New Year Struggles & Halfway Mark
This year, I didn't feel this grand commencement of the new year like I usually do. This need or desire to begin anew, to have a clean slate or fresh start didn't exist . I think it's because I've gained some perspective and experienced immense personal growth that starting over wouldn't be right because this specific journey feels so continuous: rather than 2017 and 2018 being how I define my time, it'll be "the year I lived abroad."I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be - something I've never felt or can even explain. It's this intuitive knowledge and understanding. I now have this mindset that no matter where the year takes me, there will be both good and bad. My intention (cough, "resolution") for the year is to embrace this balance. To focus my energy on the good while acknowledging and feeling the feels of the bad, but not let it cloud the hope that good that will eventually come again.
With January almost over (HOW?), I find myself in a bit of a rut. When I was abroad, one of my best friend's moms told us that "bad days happen everywhere." And it's so true. While I've never been as happy as I am now, there are still going to be days when everything seems impossible, things hurt and you break into uncontrollable tears. Just because I'm living out my dream, doesn't mean each day will be perfect. It's life. It's messy. I've had a few of those this past month when I honestly didn't have any from August - December. I'm really putting my "resolution" to the test and letting myself feel how I feel and know it will pass. Easier said than done, of course
One of the reasons I think I am in this rut is that it's the second half. I went home for Christmas and it warmed my heart seeing my family just a few days. It reminded me of how much I miss my family and friends and exactly what I'm missing out on (FOMO is real people — WHY?). The thing is when I'm in Madrid living my day to day, I don't have time to really think about it just because I am living my best life. It was bittersweet coming home and leaving. When I bought my flight home for Christmas in July, it seemed so far away but I knew that would be the half way point. and here we are. About half way done and it scares me.
Time is flying by — I am no where near where I thought I would in terms of my Spanish, I have so much I still want to do and not sure I'll get to it all, and and now is the time to think about renewing. Talk about STRESSFUL. However,
I'm trying to take one day at a time and prioritize the important things. Here's what's on the list so far.
- Trips: Florence, Prague & Croatia/Montenegro
- Spanish: Attend more Intercambios (at least one a week) and start taking spanish lessons
- Madrid Living: Go to a new bar/cafe at least once a week
- Self care: Journal and blog once a week - still working on this one :)